you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
