office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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