where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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