My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
