After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
