she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
