I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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