Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
