You smell like stripper and shame
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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