i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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