Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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