I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize