Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
