mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
