Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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