just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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