I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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