I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
