Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
