When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
