Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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