hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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