ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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