Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
