My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
