I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
