So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
