her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
