1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
