what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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