I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
