I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
