You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How does one acquire holy water?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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