We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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