If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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