I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
