My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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