Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I swear she didn't look like that last week.

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(516): View more from New York

im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

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(301): View more from Maryland

I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

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(410): View more from Maryland

I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.

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(830): View more from Texas

Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.

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