looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize