Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
