my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
