i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
