FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
