His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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