I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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