...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
