I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
