On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
