Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
bring money and cleavage
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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