Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
