well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
