he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
