i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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