I'm gonna have a badass scar
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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