dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
