My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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