I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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