this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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