I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best revenge is premature balding
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
