It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
