Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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