dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
