ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
