pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
